Sleep watch

At a staff meeting a few months ago, a coworker of mine mentioned she and her two kids had been to a sleep specialist and were found to slumber at a level just above "comatose." She's out cold for three to four hours a night and that's all she needs. Can you imagine how much time that would free up? I could be a night owl AND an early bird. I could watch the late late show and still be at work at the crack of dawn. I could get a full night's sleep in the period of time my cat sees fit to snooze, before he's up and whining for attention.

I must fall on the opposite end of the scale. I have been known to spend the greater part of the day lolling in bed either asleep or half asleep. During summer vacations, sleep would occasionally take the place of the time I would have spent at school. Waking up at 2 or 3 in the afternoon was not unheard of. In a gesture of full disclosure (and to prevent my roommate from being the first to bring it up), I'll admit some weekends I still stay in bed until the early afternoon. The crazy thing is, I'm still ready to crawl into bed around 10:00 that night, a mere 7 hours later.

It was this insatiable appetite for sleep that came to mind when I first heard about the Sleeptracker. It would be interesting to be able to get a read-out of exactly what's going on when I think I'm getting a solid 8 hours...that turns into 9 or 10 before I finally drag myself out from under the covers. Am I skimming the surface of unconsciousness? Bobbing up and down like a forlorn buoy? Sleepwalking? (more on that in a later post).

Plus, the idea of an alarm that senses when you're most awake seems so much more pleasant than my current masochistic practice of hitting the snooze button knowing it will go off at the precise moment I fall back to sleep, causing no end of frustration and angst. Although, it doesn't solve the problem of actually exercising the self discipline it takes to remove yourself from the cozy cocoon of covers. Which leads to a few other inventions I've heard of.

We use to have (and I think it's still around somewhere) a game called The Inventors. In this game, you would buy patents and try to make money off of the inventions you selected. The best part was reading the descriptions of things people actually invented and submitted a patent for. I suppose in this day and age gentlemen no longer have a use for an automatic hat tipper. There aren't that many people in need of a Horse Water Wing Jacket. And who really paid money for an Eye Protector for Chickens? But one of the inventions is an E-Z Wake Alarm that actually drops a cage on the bed of the hapless owner, to jar them awake. I don't know about you, but I think such a contraption would only make me LESS of a morning person.

Same with the alarm clock that scuttles around your floor requiring you to chase after it before you can silence it. Seriously! You can watch a video of it, and make sure you have the audio turned on so you can get the full effect of its unbearable chirping, beeping and whirring.

There's even a Flying Alarm Clock for those who prefer to wake up to the sound of an air raid alarm, scramble for the propeller top, and reassemble the two pieces to restore peace. Here's a somewhat outdated site with a list of other odd alarm clocks: http://www.bspcn.com/2007/10/20/14-of-the-worlds-strangest-alarm-clocks-for-those-early-morning-risers/.

I have to say, the Sleeptracker is looking more and more appealing! If I feel the need to subject myself to discomfort or just feel ridiculous I'd rather see if there are any Dimple Makers still on the market.